I hate it when mice get their revenge by dying under the kitchen floorboards during the hottest time of the year

We have a new directive that allows us IT chaps to not wear a tie in the office.

My reaction of course is to buy a nice new silk one.

Anyway, how else am I to avoid getting egg on my shirt?

I have decided that rather than sit here at a Desk in Docklands, I would prefer to be sitting on a reclining chair on a tropical island.

The view, currently the serried ranks of my fellow-workers, should be substituted by that of a sandy beach upon which waves break, and with diverse-and-dusky maidens frolicking in the surf.

Overhead, the grey expanse of sagging ceiling tile should instead be a azure sky (I'm not quite sure what "Azure" is, but I'm sure I'll know it if I see it) and the wheezing of over-stressed air-conditioners replaced by the cooling shade and rustle of tropical palm-trees.

Instead of a plastic cup of "Share-And-Enjoy" tea I should have a coconut, its content having been removed and replaced by a skillful attendant with something cold and alcoholic, along with the obligatory paper umbrella and straw.

Rather then type turgid lines of text into Word that will scarce be read, I'd rather be comforting the various tennis players who have already been knocked-out of the Wimbledon ladies singles, and are thus at a bit of a loose end for the remainder of the week. I'm sure the discomfort of their tired shoulders and stressed limbs would be soothed by a massage with sun-tan oil. They can take turns.

Is this simple scenario really too much to ask for?

I hear MJ is to be cremated and the event wil be sponsored by Pepsi.

So according to the Iranian Ayatollah, GB is the "the most evil" of Iran's enemies.
Does he REALLY want to go up against a country that DOES have nuclear weapons, moreover ones that are nearing the end of their shelf-life and need using up?

We currently have no water in the building - perhaps the tube strike starting early?
I guess the urinals will back up when The Drain closes.

Another ex-home secretary, David Blunkett, also told the meeting that the rebels should "put up or shut up", the BBC has been told.

He then went on to tell the PM he should not be cowed...

So, Alan Sugar is, with his Virgin Galactic venture, not likely to be the first member of the Government to reach outer space.

This could set a trend as politicians are more disposable than Monkeys, dogs, rats, etc. and less likely to upset any pressure group when they don't return safely.

I forsee a problem with navigation as a politicians natural spin is likely to interfere with that of any gyroscope.

Is there a word for an event that obviously isn't funny, but which sounds like it perhaps should be?